This is a world of compensation — Abraham Lincoln

Some of us decide early in life that the only way we’ll ever get to the winner’s circle is by riding on someone else’s shoulders. Others of us only give up on ourselves after years of setbacks and disappointments. But in either case there comes the point, usually on a deep, subconscious level, where we turn to someone else to do it for us. If we can’t have personal glory, we decide we’ll go for the reflected kind. That’s when the status of other people–our parents, our spouses, even our children–becomes more important to us than our own.

It isn’t at all unusual to see “stage parents” abandon or slight their own affairs on behalf of Johnny’s future in sports or Jennifer’s dancing prospects. Or to see a grown man define himself in terms of his more successful father. Or a wife hide out in her husband’s shadow. But putting all our hopes and dreams in someone else’s hands only does further damage to our self-esteem, of course. Not only does it put an unfair burden on the people we’re expecting to carry us, but any rewards we get for doing that will always be secondhand.

Using a relationship to make us look good usually makes us feel bad. Beyond carrying in bags of groceries, we don’t have the right to use our children at all. Nor are we being mature, responsible adults when we hand onto the coattails of our parents or spouses. Our self-esteem will always be a matter of standing in our own spotlight.

No one can achieve my potential for me. I am capable of doing that myself.

Today’s Meditation from:

Believing In Myself: Daily Meditations for Healing and Building Self-Esteem by Earnie Larsen & Carol Hegarty